Thursday, August 26, 2010

How to know what you want from your life.

The next time you go for your trophy self image driven wants ask your self who is in charge here!
The first thing you would want to know about your wants is where are these wants coming from? Are your dreams, desires and ambitions your own or are they coming from someone else. 3 out of 4 times your own wants are coming from a source other then your own true self.

The roots of the mother of all wants starts right in the fetus stage. The human brain/mind when exposed to a certain level of comfort starts to take the comfort for granted. Most normal pregnancies provide a constant life of love, warmth and security. Day in and day out for nine long months. Well one might ask how does a fetus feel loved when we can't even see it and can't even talk to it. Well you can't talk to a six month old child but you do make him feel loved by hugging him. Hugging makes the child feel loved and secure. The fetus is in a tight space surrounded by the nurturing soft and cozy womb. The fetus feels constant love and security. As this is the only feed back it has it takes love and security for granted. This is why in life we never feel totally secure because our bottom line standards of security are planted in our brain in the womb stage. We look for the same level of security, love and warmth as we got used to in the womb.

In fact love, warmth and security is so well ingrained that you can say all a person wants is to recreate womb life. Main stream psychology recognizes these bottom line urges and labels them as our id. How strong this id is going to be is determined by the first 6 years of your after birth life. If your after birth life is more happy than your womb life the brain gradually pushes your id deeper and deeper into the unconscious part of itself; while absorbing the new pleasures of hugs and kisses and new tastes of food etc.

If the after birth life is unpleasant then the brain clings to the id and the child gets stuck with the nostalgia of the womb life. Just like a king who still feels like a king even when he is dethroned. A real king does not have to show off and a dethroned king will try to show, if he can that he is still powerful and rich. So he gets obsessed with trying to pretend and showing off his 'kingness'. As his parents treat him badly he builds up phony emotional defenses and in his mind still clings to the womb life induced self importance. He thinks his life must be good as he deserves the best so he builds up a litiny of wants based on a bloated self importance. So for him his wants have to be his by hook or by crook. Whole countries are full of such corrupt populations.

Most likely as an American your parents gave you a life where you forgot your womb life as your childhood was nurtured with loving care. However they gave you a trophy self image by implanting in your brain that 'you are the best'. So instead of you knowing you as you, you know your self to be the trophy self image that your parents ingrained into your brain. Suppose when you are a child and your parents tell you that you are a king and that you will prosper and succeed and win over every one else. You will grow up feeling like a king. As real life seldom turns this good you will keep chasing this phony self image to some true. So your wants will be dictated by your partly phony self image. Your trophy self image will compel you to work harder and harder to fulfill the wants of the self image. The real you will still not be realy happy as the sweating and tears will be yours and the agenda will belong to your self image.

However a very significant portion of the American people did get the right upbringing. They are their true self. Some know it but because of the nature of the true self, it being humble they don't show it off. Others are their true self and yet they don't know it. But for both these two kinds their wants are real.

Love, warmth and security get translated into fame, luxury and financial security.

When the brain/mind is fully/partially stuck at the premature level the person cannot understand why the whole world does not belong to him. His wants are totally out of whack. He will do everything he can to get all that he can get. He perceives his own wants above every one else's. And if he can get away with it he will become a dictator and will treat himself above the law and every one else below the law. He will steal and plunder to satisfy his wants but will never be happy.

When the brain/mind is stuck at the immature level the person will be afraid of being caught but will steal to satisfy his wants if he thinks he can get away with it.

When the brain/mind is at the mature level the wants will be dictated by the trophy self image. If you are stuck here you will want to keep trying to prove to yourself (and especially to your parents and it doesn't matter if they are dead in your mind they are as real as when they were alive) that you are the best. Your satisfactions will be partly phony because the real you is being controlled by the self image.

When the real you is actualized then and only then your wants are your own. You no longer need to satisfy the phony wants of your self image.

Different level brain/mind not only has material wants it has all three wants fame, luxury and financial security. And each one of these has more sub wants. For instance love/fame translates into wanting to be the most beautiful as the parents have not only ingrained into the brain that the person is the best he is also told that he is the most beautiful. As a result he spends insane amounts of money and effort if he can afford; to look his best.

Especially we parents ingrain into the child a completely emotionally unhealthy notion of what is beauty and as a result even as adults we pay a big emotional price for understanding ( ingrained in the brain) that the individual person thinks he is the most handsome while as an adult he knows (through the mind) that he is not handsome.

This brain/mind conflict in all areas of wants (fame, luxury and financial security) causes its own emotional problems.

You can know your brain/mind level from your wants. When your wants are -2, insane you know you need therapy. When your wants are -1 you still need assistance. When your wants are +1 you need to take a deep breath and thank Gd that you are just a few steps from owing your wants.

The next time you go for your trophy self image driven wants ask your self who is in charge here!

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