ME.

My real self (and your real self). How can I rise to my full potentials and how you can rise to your full potentials.
'No one knows why nature tosses a billion sperm when one can do the job.' - Time magazine essay.

Who Am I? How do I know myself? How can I make the best of my life? How can I become rich and famous. How can I be happy?

Before I begin my story please consider the following: I have my own angle on many of the unsolved
questions of science and philosophy, especially the mind sciences. Steven Pinker in his book, ‘How
the Mind Works’, on page 462 poses a question, ‘Why do we make one big egg and lots of little sperm,
instead of two equal blobs that coalesce like mercury?’ I have my own inference as follows:
Mother Nature uses one big egg and hundreds of millions of tiny sperm for one simple reason and one reason alone—to ensure that every human that is conceived is a champion of champions, one so good that she/he
is the best from hundreds of millions! The sperm race ensures that only a big winner is born and hundreds of millions of sperm ensure that the very best of the very best is born. Also the woman's egg number is
so low because the womb space is adequate mostly for just one or two fetus'. In order to make this ingenious plan work the only practical way to make every human being a champion of champions was to make the sperm tiny. Imagine hundreds of millions of egg size sperm. The testicles would have to be much, much larger which among other things would be very inconvenient. The amount of energy and body material needed to
produce this large quantity and egg size sperm would produce its own logistical problems and would be near impossible.. Even the pathway for the sperm to run through would have to be made much larger. So
Mother Nature made the sperm tiny to create this perfect way to a human race of only champions. Every human being has to win the sperm race to get the gift of life.

So my very first act was this race which I won as did you. I am a real champion of champions and so are you. I beat hundreds of millions in this race and so did you. In a real test I came out with this greatest prize of all - the prize of life as did you. I will never win this big a prize again nor will you.

I grew up in my own mothers unique womb. I don't know when but I slowly gained consciousness. Just like a baby when picked up and hugged feels loved I was growing up in a cramped space with the womb wall hugging me all the time and as a result I felt loved and secure. There was soothing warmth. I did not have to do any work not even to eat. I was constantly fed effortlessly. I slept most of the time. As I became more and more conscious I began to form an image of my self. With constant positive feed back I felt very very special. I felt omnipotent and as I was not aware of any one else or any thing else so by default I felt even more important - I felt omnipresent. (I was created exactly in the image of God). I considered myself as not just the most important but all important, in fact I considered my self as the whole existence. I did not know my real self and all I knew was my omnipotent and omnipresent self image. The last few days in the womb became very uncomfortable as the womb space became too cramped and finally the day arrived when as they say my mom's water broke. On October 4th, 1949 I was born.

The few hours of discomfort were very confusing and my omnipotent self image came to my rescue. Just as a dethroned king still feels like a king I blocked out the new helplessness and felt omnipotent. Also I mostly slept out the new reality. Sleeping 23/7. Gradually I discovered open spaces, warm baths, hugs and kisses. Also I got to experience great pleasure of suckling my mothers breasts. It gradually dawned on me that I was helpless. However with one cry I could summon my parents. They both danced to my tune. I did not feel helpless and in fact my feelings of omnipotence got more and more forgotten and got pushed deeper and deeper into my unconscious mind. My helplessness became my new strength and I enjoyed my power over my parents. I also realized I was not omnipresent yet I felt good not being the only one. Soon my parents were my whole world, my pleasure, my happiness. As I was their first child all their attention was on me. They were calling me special, 'Lakho may ek' (one in a million.). They had total control over my mind. I believed their every word. They said I was the best so I believed them. I built up a self image of being extremely important. They exposed me to all kinds of learning experiences. I gradually learn't to read and write my abcs and I could count to 20. Learning numbers became especially handy as I could ask for more cookies than I could ever eat. When other members of the extended family dotted on me I felt even happier.

As a teenager I felt that I was the best and that one day I will be a very powerful and a VIP leader. I felt that I was a regular guy now but my time will come soon. I did my home work and did well in school just to prove that I was very special. I even excelled in school. My teacher said that if I could get the right training I could be a part of the National swimming team. Before I knew it I was standing in line for a job after graduating with a bachelor's degree. I got the job. But I soon realized that I was one of over a hundred similar employees. My struggle to prove my self as the best had just started. I joined evening classes. I progressed to a level that even shocked my parents. However I am not happy. The money I already have I cannot finish unless I buy a few Picasso's. Yet I feel poor and I want much more money and sometimes I can't sleep for I might miss the next contract. So sometimes I used to take sleeping pills now I have to take them regularly. I have high blood pressure. I cannot eat all I like to eat. Now my life is even more miserable especially because my new neighbor has built a new and bigger house next door and has a mini trophy wife, an ex-miss some nearby village. While my wife, my childhood sweetheart has grown fat. I cannot even enjoy the face I fell in love with. All her beauty has disappeared into her fatness.

Oh! Whom am I kidding! Maybe this is your life story.(A very large section of our fellow Americans have this life no thanks to their parents feeding them on, 'You are the best') . My own life was very different please allow me to tell it like a story, so here goes my life:

My mother was only 16 when she got married. She was very frail. At 17 I was ready to be born. The local doctor said that the fetus' head was too big for my thin mother and that I should be aborted. My grandparents wanted a second opinion. The experts came from all the neighboring villages. They examined the mothers pulse. They felt the mothers tummy. One said the womb contained a jin and the fetus must be aborted at once. Another suggested that the fetus inside was a girl wanting to be a boy. My grandparents were very confused. The fetus must be aborted. The fetus must be left alone. A camel must be sacrificed to persuade the sin living with the fetus to leave.

Just as the supreme pundit put his hand on the tummy I kicked from the inside. My mother shrieked. The pundit was so shocked with fear he had a mild attack of the nerves and was dumb founded. He was helped out of the room on a stretcher made of wood and bamboo. A major gathering of the experts was called. It was concluded that as the fetus had already made the pundit sick this child was no ordinary child. This child was an evil spirit especially given the fact that it had not rained since my conception! The land was crying with agony for water. People were worried as over 40% depended on farming for their lively hood. So a day and time was fixed to abort me.

An hour before the anointed time they all gathered in the courtyard. They brought a glass of milk laced with raw opium to dull my mothers pain while I was going to be brought out. One of the pundits pulled aside my father and told him that I was indeed an evil spirit and was responsible for the parched land. So I had to be killed. My father went inside and told my mother of the pundits plan. My mother had great faith in the elders but this was going to be her first born. She decided to run away but the house was crawling with people.

An aunt who had just come in wearing a veil was coxed into taking her place. Wearing the aunts veil my mother walked out of the house. She went and hid in a neighbors attic. The aunt was carried on the bed into the courtyard. Her body covered, the village nurse uncovered her tummy. The tummy was flat. A shock wave went through the crowd. A few fainted. People ran helterskelter. Someone stepped on a stray dog. The dog howled with pain. The nearby donkeys started braying at the same time. The crows and pigeons flew away shouting at the top of their voices. The appointed hour had come and gone. There was panic and fear all around. People left and bolted their homes from the inside. The streets were deserted. No one slept that night. The next day a conference was called. It was decided to sacrifice a camel at the Temple of Kali Mata as she alone could subdue the evil spirit.

In the meantime my mother sneaked back into our house. The friend who hid her had a nightmare and she got so scared that she told the truth to the elders. They were furious. This time again an auspicious time was fixed for aborting me. At the appointed time the pundit said a special prayer. My mother was again brought into the courtyard. This time the pundit himself welding a sharp knife put his hand on the tummy. I kicked him again even harder. The pundit was so shocked that he instinctively clinched his fist and hit back at me with full force. My mother again shrieked with pain. The blow was so hard that the water broke. The pundit became all wet, he actually had the stale water all over his face. His face looked so terrified that the others all ran away. This time falling over each other. Once again the birds flew away. The dogs ran, the donkeys all brayed and a horse got loose and ran into a vegetable cart knocking the vegetables all over. Even the flies were confused and did not know what to make of it. They flew high into the trees. It was still daylight yet the owl tried to flee. He bumped straight into the bee hive making a big dent in it. Soon the bees were in full force stinging people all around.

Now the people were convinced that there was indeed something evil. They all gathered at the pundits house. The pundit refused to come out. He was too scared himself. Word came from the chief pundit that our house was to be put on fire with my whole family inside. One of my uncles ran to tell my father the decision to set the house on fire with my family inside. The villagers caught him and surrounded the house, dousing it with petrol and setting it on fire. The fire leaped around hopping and skipping and coming back for the missed spots, spreading fast. Meanwhile my father was helping mom to have me out as the birth cramps had already started just after the water broke. I soon came out into the world crying. To this day the villagers remember that they never heard a baby cry so loud. Immediately there was thunder and lightning and it started to rain. The elders still say that in their whole life they could not recall such great rain, not before and not since. The fire was extinguished by the god of rain himself in no time. Soon there was water everywhere. It rained and it rained. The water table had risen. The dry lakes were full. The water wells were over flowing like never before. The frogs and the crickets, after a long time, were singing once again. The birds were not only back they were mating. Even the flies were not just back on the vegetables they were dancing their mating dance. The donkeys were quiet and the dogs were having a field day with the kids.

From frowns and fear to smiles and laughter rolled all around. People were dancing and laughing while some were crying. Some went and got gifts of sweetmeat and were distributing to the poor. It was festival time once again. The planting season had just begun. My birth was being celebrated right here by Mother Earth and all her creatures including man and beast and even the heavens were crying with joy.

In actual reality nothing happened like that; the heavens didn't open up with joy and no one celebrated my birth except my immediate family. However those heady days of feeling omnipotent are still stuck in my brain and I still suspect that all this really happened, the heavens and all the earthly creatures and even the earth all celebrated my birth. So let me begin once again as to what really happened...